Because raising children demands a lot of physical and emotional energy, taking care of yourself is essential. You are not only raising your child by yourself, you may have other children, in addition to job and financial pressures. All of these add to the demands of single parenting.
It may be difficult and challenging for you to take care of yourself because your mothering instinct may cause you to neglect your own needs. When you neglect yourself and put yourself last, your behavior suggests that a person is important only when he or she is providing service to others. It is important to give to others, but if you also take care of yourself, your child will see that both of you are important and have important needs. Still, no one has more than 24 hours in a day, so what can you do to change? How can you have time for yourself that will allow you to develop a positive lifestyle every day?
There are many ways you can help yourself, but here are four practical suggestions you can do for yourself to take care of yourself. Nearly every woman, regardless of her circumstances or lifestyle or age, can follow them.
Four Practical Suggestions for Self-Care
1. Sleep
Many single mothers have trouble sleeping at night because they are under great stress or worry excessively. However, good quality sleep is necessary for our minds and bodies to function normally. Sleepiness during the day from not getting enough sleep at night is an emerging problem in the United States and affects a number of adults.
It is recommended that adults sleep 7-8 hours each night, but how can you get this amount of sleep if stress is keeping you awake? It sounds like a problem without a solution. There are, however, a number of ways to improve the quality of your sleep even if you cannot get the hours you need.
First, you will need to establish a regular sleep schedule. One way to achieve this is to avoid taking naps during the day. Even though you may be tired, it is best you go to bed earlier rather than take a nap because a nap will postpone the time you are sleepy enough to go to bed.
Secondly, avoid caffeine and alcohol for at least 4 hours before bedtime. Coffee and some teas and sodas contain caffeine which may keep you awake. Likewise, do not drink alcohol to help you sleep. We all know about the effects of alcohol psychologically, physically, and physiologically on an individual. However, some individuals claim that alcohol can help to reduce insomnia. Alcohol may help you fall asleep initially; however, as your body clears it from your system, alcohol can cause sweating, headaches, and nightmares that will cause sleep disturbances. Thus, it is not a good idea to use alcohol as a sleep aid or for a coping intervention.
It is also not a good idea to use television to help you fall asleep. Some people use television as a sleeping aid, but watching television tends to keep your attention on the program and delays the time you fall asleep. If you insist that you need to listen to something to help you fall asleep, use a radio and listen to soothing music that relaxes you. Remember that sleep is necessary for optimal mental, emotional, and physical functioning!
2. Eating a healthy diet
One of the most disturbing—and avoidable--public health problems in the 21st century is obesity. Not only are the numbers increasing, but overweight people are becoming even heavier. This condition usually begins in childhood. It is rarely from a glandular problem or "big bones," but instead is from poor nutrition choices.
Single mothers who are employed outside the home often tell me they don't have time to prepare meals and do all of the other things they have to do to manage their household. They pick up take-out because it's easy, and their children will eat it. This is understandable, but eating habits can last a lifetime, and it is important to try to make time for planning healthy meals while children are young. Children who are fed healthy food at an early age will choose healthy food as adults.
Some mothers cope with stress by eating, and their weight increase will often contribute to that stress and can lead to disease. They may worry about the weight or have increased blood pressure or develop heart conditions. Diabetes is also associated with unhealthy eating habits. Single mothers tend to have greater stress than those in two-parent households, and sometimes will say such statements like "Eating is the only thing I enjoy," so they indulge themselves in eating too much.
The healthiest way to be slim is not to let yourself gain the extra weight in the first place—but that is not useful advice after the weight is already there. Drinking a lot of water--six to eight glasses a day is recommended--and eating small portions helps. Eating fruits and vegetables instead of sugary snacks will also help you stay on track with your weight. Reducing your intake of fried food and limiting meals at fast food restaurants will both lower your caloric intake and enhance your bank account. It costs more to eat out than it does to make meals from raw ingredients.
Unfortunately, there is no easy fix for losing a lot of weight gained over a long period. Fad diets may seem to work at first, but health risks are associated with many of them. Some require you to do without some kinds of foods, but your body needs a broad spectrum of vitamins, minerals, and other elements to work efficiently. If you are tired, not only do you lack energy, but your body will crave quick-energy food like sugar. This leads to the next important suggestion.
3. Getting regular exercise
Not many people like to exercise, but it is one of the most important things you can do for overall physical and mental health. The benefits of exercise are numerous. It increases your metabolism so that you burn more calories, helps you to sleep better, gives you more energy, increases the strength of your bones, and lowers your blood pressure. It also increases circulation so that more blood flows to your skin. That will make you look and feel healthier. In fact, you will be healthier.
Gym membership can be expensive, but you don't need a gym to exercise. Walking in the neighborhood, at a public track or at a school, at a mall, or using a workout video (available at public libraries) to exercise are also ways to make exercise convenient and practical. There are even television programs that lead a viewer through routines designed to increase fitness.
The benefits of exercise are so many that you should try to find a way to incorporate it into your daily routine or at least a few times a week. Recent studies at Duke University found that exercising one hour, three times a week, can be as effective for improving emotional health as taking an antidepressant. It is also free and better for you.
4. Forming and keeping friendships
Everyone should develop and maintain a social network of friends for outings and to talk with. This social network enables you to spend time with people your own age and talk about “adult" issues instead of being with children most of the time. Single parenting can be lonely, so try to cultivate strong friendships with those you know you can trust to watch your son so you can take a break and enjoy adult company. Be willing to take turns with these responsibilities so your friends have you to count on as well. Having friends to spend time with also alleviates the stress of loneliness.
If you can spend a little time to become involved in community or church activities or service organizations, you will be in an environment where you meet other adults. Your participation and involvement also show your son that community activities are important. Remember, too, that when you have a network of adult friends, you increase the chances of meeting a male who might be a mentor to your son or a companion to you.
Dr. Josef A. Passley is a Senior Child/Adolescent Therapist at the Johns Hopkins Bayview Medical Center, Baltimore, MD where he actively serves as Clinical Co-Investigator in a Clinic-Based Intervention & Prevention Program for Families Experiencing Depression. He also serves as a therapist with a Private Practice Multidisciplinary Group: Cedar Ridge Counseling Centers, in Laurel, Maryland where he provides outpatient mental health treatment for children, adolescents and adults in individual, couples, and family therapy settings. Dr. Passley is a frequent radio guest, national and international speaker discussing such topics as: “Preparing children to live productive and meaningful lives,” “Children and Holiday Depression,” “Paternal Absence and its impact on society,” and “The Effects of Divorce on Children.” He has also recently authored Single Parenting in the 21st Century and Beyond. Dr. Passley may be contacted via email japphd@yahoo.com or at 443.621.7260.
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