Heart To Heart Parenting:
Prevention Parenting Series

Ten Strategies for Maintenance Free Parenting

By Anne Leedom

Raising happy kids, raising kids who resolve conflict, kids who are peaceful, kids who succeed in school, and kids who maintain self-control and know right from wrong. These are just some of the hopes parents have for their kids today. These also echo the hopes of teachers in classrooms all throughout the country. There is certainly no lack of helpful books on the subject. You can read about any aspect of parenting from the moment you conceive until they leave the nest. However, the questions keep coming. With so much information available today, why are many parents still struggling with all of these issues and more?

It is my theory that too often parenting concerns are handled as they arise. You might say this makes sense. After all, you can’t go around constantly anticipating every obstacle and concern children might face. However, experts do tell us there are common traits present in children’s lives that do grow up to be happy, confident and moral. These traits can easily be introduced into any home, regardless of the circumstances. There is a common misconception that “parenting” begins at a certain age, often about kindergarten. However, these strategies should be implemented from birth.

1. Surround children with laughter. Regardless of the circumstances, and they can sometimes be overwhelming for all of us, make sure you laugh and physically play with your child on a daily basis. This helps regulate your child’s emotions, it is important for your kids to see you having fun and it goes a long way toward building a loving bond between parent and child. For some great ideas, check out 51 Best Ways to Amuse Kids, by Ellen van Wees.
   
   
2. Give children honest appraisals. This helps build crucial trust needed between parents and kids, leading to strong communication between you. Kids are more likely to rely on parents as role models when you have their trust and respect.
   
   
3. Bring out their heart by nurturing their talents. Too often parents simply enroll kids in standard activities, thinking its best for the child. However, your child may flourish more by volunteering around animals, or joining community theatre than the traditional soccer game. Find out where your child’s joy lies and foster it to give kids confidence that will last their entire life.
   
   
4. Honor your child. This sounds so straightforward, but too often we just don’t regard a two year old’s opinion when making decisions. The impact of asking your child what they think on rather mundane matters is tremendous. It gives kids self-esteem and helps them see you respect their thoughts and feelings. In turn, they will treat others with this respect throughout their lives.
   
   
5. Give children the gift of your confidence in them. Let them see how much faith you have in them by letting them make mistakes, and take on chores that are a slight stretch for them. It’s important not to give them more than they can handle or you will achieve the opposite effect. Just give them a chance to show what they are capable of, and give them the appropriate feedback. Their confidence will soar.
   
   
6. Take “quality time” to the next level. Spend “one on one” time with kids. Special time with each child one parent at a time is something no child would turn down. This tells them how special you really think they are and it gives both of you a chance to get to know each other better. Once again, this goes the distance in creating a life long bond that will help your child turn to you and your examples in making those tough life decisions.
   
   
7. Be the best role model you can be. Most kids begin their lives thinking parents are great. Do the best you can to keep that spot on the pedestal, but let your child see you are human. If you get angry or do or say something you wish you hadn’t (we all do!)simply say you are sorry. Kids are amazingly forgiving of our mistakes. It is usually when they know we are not being honest with ourselves or others that they can be ruthless.
   
   
8. Let children see you involved in caring and compassionate activities. Once again the key here is to help children see parents acting in ways we want them to act. They are highly influenced and motivated by what we do, not what we say.
   
   
9. Be willing to ask for help. We all need a break, or in some cases real help raising our kids and taking care of all the aspects of our busy lives. You are not doing anyone any favors by taking it all on yourself. I truly believe this is the hardest strategy of all.
   
   
10. Be sentimental. Show your kids through pictures and other creative ways how much they mean to you and your life. Be proud and let them know you are proud and blessed to have them in your life. I tell my girls every night that in my prayers I thank God for them. Then I tell them how happy I am they picked me for their mommy. Somehow, the idea I might have had a choice and still picked them thrills them. And it is so true! Show them off. They will always be your greatest pride and joy if you let them.
    

Parenting in the new millennium can be a full time, very technical job. We all want to do the best we can and we could easily spend enormous amounts of time learning what to do and trying to do it. Certainly, this is part of good parenting today. Just remember that common sense and low-tech parenting is every bit as effective and maybe a bit more fun than trying to keep up with Mr. Brazelton.




Anne Leedom is the editor and publisher of www.parentingbookmark.com and www.moralintelligence.com. She lives in Northern California with her husband and two daughters.


For more information on character education for kids visit www.parentingbookmark.com copyright 2001.

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